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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

«ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude --a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum, where by careful cultivation of its rudimentary sense of locality it is taught to know its place. It is then instructed in the arts of dependence and servitude and eventually turned loose to prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid.»
«NOVEMBER, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.»
«OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.»
«OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.»
«OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week, and on Sundays by two. They were frequently seen, always walking in his shadow, when he had one, but were finally driven away by the village notary, a holy man; but they took the peasant with them, for he vanished utterly. A devil thrown out of a woman by the Archbishop of Rheims ran through the trees, pursued by a hundred persons, until the open country was reached, where by a leap higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird. A chaplain in Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the soldier into the water, when the devil came to the surface. The soldier, unfortunately, did not.»
«PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.»
«PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.»
«PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.»
«PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.»
«OVEREAT, v. To dine.Hail, Gastronome, Apostle of Excess, Well skilled to overeat without distress! Thy great invention, the unfatal feast, Shows Man's superiority to Beast. --John Boop»