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Joan Rivers Quotes

«I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.»
Author: Joan Rivers | About: Funny | Keywords: bath, radio, toaster, toasters, toys, unwanted
«A child of one can be taught not to do certain things such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon»
«I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.»
«He who limps is still walking.»
Author: Joan Rivers | About: Thinking | Keywords: limping, Limps
«Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.»
«I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.»
Author: Joan Rivers | Keywords: bend, diamonds, floor, Jewish, work out
«I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.»
«For as one star another far exceeds, So souls in heaven are placed by their deeds.»
Author: Joan Rivers | Keywords: exceeds, placed
«No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.»
«Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.»
Author: Joan Rivers | Keywords: ripped, shred, shredded, shreds

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